Relationship Problems – Handling Conflicts

Conflicts can become painful and strain the relationship if not managed effectively. The 3Rs are important to be able to manage conflict in an effective way that it strengthens the relationship and improves intimacy.

1. Respect
2. Responsibility
3. Restraint

DOs

If it is a issue to be discussed, fix a time that is convenient to the both of you and start the discussion on a calm and composed tone of voice. If there are children or parents in the house, find a private place to have the discussion. Ensure that the both of you are in a calm composed state of mind before you start the discussion.

Instead of blaming the other person, focus on your feelings and express them. “I felt disappointed when”

Keep the focus: Discuss regarding the problem in focus. Do not bring up new issues or bring in old issues from the past either. Watch out for statements like – “you always do ….”; “You have never done ….”

Each of you can have different viewpoints and can be right in your own view points. Try to see things from the other person’s perspective and understand their feelings. Try to find even a bit of truth in the other persons statements. Acknowledge their feelings. You may disagree with your spouse, but still you can empathize with how he/she fees.

Always be aware that you are looking for a solution to the issue at hand. Target a resolution that would make you both happy about it. This is a win-win resolution.

DONTs

Do not make it an attack on the person or devalue the person. No name calling or hurtful comments.

Do not allow the issue at hand to escalate. If either of you is not able to manage your emotions like heightened anger, frustration etc, take a Time out. You agree to stop the discussion for now, if needed physically move away and most importantly agree on when to resume the discussion. In the meanwhile calm yourself down, do some relaxing activities like taking a walk or doing some deep breathing etc. Come back calmed down and continue the discussion.

Once the issue has been resolved, sincerely apologize for hurtful things said if any that you didn’t really mean it. Even things said in anger can linger in the other persons mind for a long time. Ensure the next time you put additional effort to keep your emotions in check and not say hurtful things even in anger.

Remember, prolonged silence and avoidance can be as painful as strong hurtful words.

If you would like to meet with a professional counsellor to work on your relationship challenges, call us at +91 96321 46316 or write to us at counselor@innerdawn.in

We provide professional and confidential counselling services at different locations in Bangalore – Jayanagar, Koramangala, Cox Town, Marathahalli, Mahadevpura.