Finance, Money Matters – Should you discuss with your partner?
Should you discuss finances or money matters with your potential partner or your partner?
Yes absolutely. When you are considering spending your life time together it is important that you discuss finances or money related matters with your partner.
Whether you are getting into a love marriage or arrange marriage, there will still be a courtship period. In love marriage, you will have a lot of time to go around, talk sweet nothings to each other, talk about your interests, what you like to do etc. In arrange marriages as well, there will definitely be some time, either before the engagement or post engagement till your marriage which can be considered as the courtship period.
Yes, talking about money is not the most romantic thing that you can talk about, to your potential partner. Sometimes it can even downright be a tricky subject. But it is imperative that the couple talk about finances, talk about money to each other. In some couples, both might be earning and in some couples, one might be the earning member. In either scenario, these discussions need to happen and it is important that the couple be on the same page.
Most of the times the discussion about money may not be exactly about money, but more in terms of both of your attitude towards money, your attitude towards spending, what do you think is important, what you think are the priorities of your life, what have you planned for your life etc.
Attitude about money:
You need to talk about and understand what both of you think about the importance and criticality of finances in your life. What you consider to be adequate, what you considered to be luxury, what are the things that you consider to be essential in life.
Sharing of financial responsibilities:
This also would include how you plan to share financial responsibilities after you are married. This could be about pre-existing loans, support for each other’s families, whether you plan to have a joint account and take care of the household expenses from that, what is the contribution from each etc.
Some couples prefer a joint account and some couple don’t prefer the same. It is up to the couple to come up with a joint decision on these aspects, together, that works for both.
Approach about spending:
What is your approach towards spending and savings and the proportion between them. How much you think is appropriate towards spending and how much you think it is essential and necessary to save.
What are the financial priorities of your life:
What are the things you think are essential for your life, what is that you want for yourself as a couple in the future, in terms of property Investments, planning for children, vacationing, travel, support for families etc
Current financial preparedness and plans for the future:
How much do you think you both are prepared financially to handle these responsibilities, at that point in time and what more needs to be done to be prepared appropriately? For example, do you have dreams of buying a house, buying a car, do you want to have children, if yes how many children and when etc.
How will the future financial decisions be made?
Will you want your partner to discuss with you before they take any key financial decisions – be it investments, expenditure, loans etc. What is considered as a significant decision that needs to be discussed and what is not. Where and when can you take independent decisions financially etc. Or would you want your partner to take financial decisions by themselves.
It will be extremely difficult to build a strong functioning marital bond if your basic attitude and expectations towards finances, savings/expenses, responsibilities etc are very different from each other. It is better for both of you to know it upfront, so that you can work on things, take and informed decisions and set your expectations accordingly with respect to your partner.
If you are already married, but have not had these discussions, worry not, you can have this discussion now. It is better for you to talk about it at the earliest, rather than wait for some problem to happen and then to deal with it. If you are not able to arrive at a common understanding, you can see the assistance of a professional therapist to help navigate this challenge.
About the Author:
Kala Balasubramanian is certified Counselling Psychologist/Psychotherapist with a Masters in Counselling and Psychotherapy, Diplomas in Counselling and has further certifications specializing in couple/marriage/realationship counselling and family counselling. She provides a supportive, understanding, professional and confidential environment to work with clients – Individuals and Couples explore their emotions, help them understand and manage their challenges, relationships and stress better.