How to deal with Excessive Screen time of children
How do you deal with the problem that your child spends too much of time on the devices/screens? This would include all screens ie mobile devices, tablets, laptops, video game consoles, television etc.
It is true and we have to admit that we do live in age of proliferation of devices and screens all around us. Smart phones and connectivity has made it a breeze to stay online anytime anywhere. It is also a fact today that children are spending more and more time on their screens. In this article I would try to discuss, when does this become a problem, what could be the risks involved and what can parents do about it. These are applicable for both young children as well as adolescents, though I might use the term child to represent both.
To start with I would like to highlight that moderation is the word here. There are definitely a lot of benefits which your child can get through their digital world. New modes of education, learning, development, creativity, healthy entertainment etc, can be acquired through these devices. At the same time we need to be aware that children also can spend hours together mindlessly scrolling and watching unlimited content, pictures, videos on media endlessly.
So when does this become a problem? What are the warning signs that parents need to be watchful about?
1. When the focus is on the devices and screens all the time. Your child is always looking forward to getting back on their screens.
2. When you try to take the devices away there is a big tantrum that comes up, very frequently.
3. There is a significant change in your child’s behaviour. Your child shows aggressive behaviour verbally or physically. Shouting, screaming, yelling, throwing things, hitting others etc are not considered appropriate.
4. Unable to stop using the device on their own, even when the agreed time is up.
5. The topic of devices has become a constant battleground between the child and the parents.
6. The child feels anxious to stay away from their devices, fearing that they might be missing out on all the fun that others are having.
7. The child finds it difficult to finish school work or homework or concentrate on studies.
8. The child spends more and more time online rather than in the real world activities and shows disinterest in social connections – not keen on spending time with friends etc.
9. Physiological changes like difficulty sleeping, difficulty waking up in the morning, lowered attention span etc.
As a parent if you find a combination of any of these issues with your child, it is important that you take actions appropriately so that it doesn’t aggravate into a worse situation. Research has shown that excessive screen time for children can have serious consequences.
– Very young children who have high screen time exposure could have issues in cognitive development, developmental delays, low attention span, and even aggressive behaviour.
– It could also lead to other health issues like obesity, insomnia etc. Low activity levels combined with unhealthy eating habits that go with excessive screen time aggravates the issue.
– Mental health issues like anxiety and depression could also manifest.
– This could lead to overall less developed social skills and lesser social connections.
How to handle your child’s access to excessive screen time and bring it back into control? Here are some guidelines that are very important.
- Model Behavior
As parents you would need to model the behaviour that you want your child to follow. You will need to practice what you preach. If you as parents are spending a lot of time on your devices and screens, it will be difficult for you to teach moderation to your children. Children learn better and more from observation rather than through instructions.
- As a family be on the same page
All family members, parents and parental figures (grandparents etc) need to be on the same page and in agreement with respect to the rules regarding the use of digital devices and screens in the house. Do not blame each other for the problem at hand. Set up for family meeting and let everyone in the family know these rules and follow these rules. All family members are responsible for implementing these limits.
- Define no device areas and timings
Identify no-device areas in the house where devices cannot be used – dining room, bathrooms, and especially bedrooms. You can also define specific time zones when devices cannot be used. For example – dinner time, family interaction time etc.
- Plan for alternative engagement
For children provide alternative modes of engagement like other games, sport, books, art, other activities, family outings, vacations etc.
Let us look at how excessive screen usage/addiction can be handled at different stages of progress and severity.
Early stage, when you are deciding to give a device to a child:
If you have a young child, it is preferable not to give devices to children at a very early age. Even television screen time needs to be moderated by the parent. The child needs to be at least 8 to 10 years of age to understand to a certain extent the pros and cons of their actions. Do not use your mobile phones as a pacifier to your child. Also do not reward your child’s good behaviour with screen time.
If and when you start giving the child any device to use set a limit to the screen time or rules upfront and follow through with these rules diligently. As the child grows explain the rules and negotiate as appropriate.
The child already has an issue of over usage of devices, and excessive screen time:
Try to introduce rules regarding screen time and negotiate with the child. Get consent or agreement from the child regarding the screen time. Set up a consequence if rules are not adhered to.
If rules are broken repeatedly, there has to be a consequence. If rules are setup without a consistent consequence, the rule loses value. The consequence could be that the devices are taken away completely.
This could lead to tantrums and conflicts with your child. Ensure that you have complete family support and all your family members are aligned to the planned approach.
Severe Addiction to devices and screens:
At this stage the child is so severely addicted to screen time that their studies are affected, interpersonal relations are affected, and you also started seeing behavioural issues with the child.
If you attempt to take the device from the child, there could be severe tantrums and even threats that may be issued by the child. It could be about running away, self harm etc.
Child could possibly self harm or threaten self harm including suicidal thoughts, attempts.
Do not take these threats lightly. Take the support of a therapist who has good experience working with children of corresponding age.
If there are serious suicidal tendencies, it’s important that you take your child to doctor, a psychiatrist or to a hospital if it is an emergency. Hospitalization and treatment might be needed. If your child is assessed to be severely addicted, a digital de-addition program might be needed.
As I had mentioned before it is good to encourage moderate usage of digital devices and screen time, age appropriately. And it is preferable that parents start placing appropriate limits and rules regarding the same at the earliest possible. If you haven’t done already, do not delay the same.
About the Author:
Kala Balasubramanian is a certified Counselling Psychologist and Psychotherapist with a Masters in Counselling and Psychotherapy, Diplomas in Counselling and has further certifications specializing in couple/marriage/relationship counselling and family counselling. As a trained therapist, she provides professional and confidential – face to face Counselling in Bangalore including Individual counselling and Couples counselling / Marriage counselling in Bangalore and Online Counselling over video calls for others residing outside Bangalore and abroad.
Call us at +919632146316 or write to us at counselor@innerdawn.in. If you are in Bangalore, you can meet the counselor in person – face to face. If you are in a different location you can ask for online counselling over video calls.