Understanding the barriers to happiness

It is been recent habit of mine – whenever I am in the midst of nature, I make it a point to sit down on the ground and try to observe the tiny beings in nature. This time I found this tiny plant, with tinier white flowers in green background arranged in a particular manner thrusting through the foliage almost like a triumphant show case to the rest of the world. 

I found the intricate arrangements, contrasting colors extremely beautiful, that I was delighted to capture in this Super Macro Picture.

For a moment I thought, what would this plant feel if it were capable of feeling emotions? I thought it would have felt beautiful, successful, proud, accomplished and satisfied – in essence happy.

Upon reflection, it was very interesting to observe that it is such a contrast that we find it so difficult to feel so ourselves, though there may be hundreds of reasons to feel good about ourselves. And why is it so difficult?

So here are 5 factors that essentially diminish our capability to be happy, proud and satisfied with ourselves in our lives.

1. Comparison

When you compare yourself with others who have more, you end up feeling envious, frustrated, incapable, not good enough etc. Fact of the matter is that no two people’s circumstances are the same; neither will be their progression in life. Such comparison makes you feel small, insignificant and worthless and brings down your self-worth and self esteem.

2. Blame

Whether you blame yourself or you blame others around you or your circumstances, it takes away your capacity to take responsibility for yourself and to be able to take a positive affirmative action that is needed to be done.  Blame de-motivates you, de-energizes you and makes you feel like a victim, feeling helpless and hopeless. It robs you of the possibility of joy, happiness and satisfaction in your life

3. Lack of gratitude

When you are unable to see and appreciate what you have, you only end up highlighting what you don’t have. The inability to see the simple small little joys of life makes it not possible to feel grateful for the same. Despite the challenges that life throws at you there would still be things in your life that you can be grateful for.  

4. Regret – Living in the past

The practice of living in the past, ruminating over it, regrets, guilt etc form a vicious cycle that does not allow you to live in the present, to live in the now. It doesn’t allow you to learn from the past, or even if you have learnt, doesn’t allow you to implement those learnings in the present.

5. Excessive Worry – Living in the future

On the other side is living in the future, ruminating over the possibilities, feeling worried and anxious about the possible challenges or consequences in the future. This kind of excessive worry does not allow you to make plans and take effective actions to build a bright future. Rather it becomes an impediment in utilizing the present to make efforts to build the future.

About the Author:

Kala Balasubramanian is a certified Counselling Psychologist/Psychotherapist with a Masters in Counselling and Psychotherapy, Diplomas in Counselling and has further certifications specializing in couple/marriage/relationship counselling and family counselling. As a professional counsellor she provides a supportive, understanding, professional and confidential environment to work with clients – Individuals and Couples explore their emotions, help them understand and manage their challenges, relationships and stress better.