Value in learning to fail successfully

We all need to fail.   Yes, and learn to fail successfully.

Does this surprise you? How to fail successfully? Doesn’t it look like an oxymoron?  Let me tell you – no, it is not and I will substantiate it.

Yes failures could be unpleasant, painful and frustrating. And there could be a tendency to avoid it at any cost. But it is important to realize that failures are also very valuable in life, to learn, to grow, and even to thrive.

When a child is born, it is new to this world, and this world is also new to the child.  Starting from the air it breathes, to the environment born into, every person around the child, it is a new experience. Even as a new born infant, the baby has to learn to latch on to the mother’s breasts to feed. The baby fails many times but when it learns to feed, it has tasted success.

When child starts growing up, and tries to walk, it falls down multiple times and even gets hurt some times. The child is facing failure. It is painful.  But it continues to keep trying and learns to walk and run and play.

At every stage when the child learns to do new things, learn new skills, the child is faced with failure repeatedly and overcoming those failures brings in the growth path for the child.

Somewhere along the way of growth –  moving to school, grow up into adolescence and even  becoming adults – many forget what was learnt as an infant and a child –  how to fail and overcome it, and become scared of failures, struggle to cope with failures, try to avoid failures, find it difficult to be able to surmount failures. There could be multiple reasons to this – including expectations being set on them by others, expectations set of self, encouraged to seek only success, critical or unsupportive environment, overprotected environment, difficult life experiences etc.

This can result in the person perceiving any failure as a disaster and catastrophe. The recent spurt of suicides that have happened due to the results in PU exams shows the disturbing trend that the levels of resilience are dangerously low. 

Resilience is the capacity to bounce back from negative life circumstances, difficult events, trauma, adversity, tragedy, threats, stressful situations and to be able to adapt and cope.

In this age of instant gratification, where everything is available at the touch of a button, where the image being portrayed on social media is very important, where success is defined in specific ways, it is not surprising that the level of resilience has been spiralling down.

After a fall when you get up and move ahead you learn. After a loss, hurt, when you grieve and move on, you learn.  You learn to appreciate what you have, you learn to recognize and value your own strengths.  When you make a mistake, you learn from it and become wise and prudent.

It is very important that the perspective of seeing failure as a disaster, to shift and to be seen as stepping stones to success, growth, learning, strength and progress.

About the Author:

Kala Balasubramanian is a certified Counselling Psychologist/Psychotherapist with a Masters in Counselling and Psychotherapy, Diplomas in Counselling and has further certifications specializing in couple/marriage/relationship counselling and family counselling. As a professional counsellor she provides a supportive, understanding, professional and confidential environment to work with clients – Individuals and Couples explore their emotions, help them understand and manage their challenges, relationships and stress better.