7 ways to real – non negotiable – self care for a woman
Happy Women’s Day. On this day I want to bring it to every woman’s attention that caring for oneself needs to be non negotiable.
Taking care of everyone else but not oneself, is the sad reality of a majority of women. It is not very uncommon to see women taking care of everybody else in the family, including elders, children, spouse etc. Even at work, you take care of your boss, and your subordinates. In this whole process, having no time, no space or priority to take care of yourself. And taking care of yourself need not be guilt inducing for yourself. It doesn’t make you selfish. And self care doesn’t mean going to a spa only. May be it is, but it needs to be a lot more than that.
7 ways to real self care for a woman.
- Learn to be mindful, in the now:
Take time to breathe. It is important to have some “me time” even if it means 5 minutes in your busy schedule. Taking time for a vacation could be it, taking time for 5 mindful breaths could be it. It is important to replenish and rejuvenate yourself. Practicing mindfulness could be an excellent way to ground yourself and to handle stress better.
- Make a list of your own needs that have been relegated to the background:
You don’t have to wait for your parents or husband or boyfriend to take care of your needs – that which you can take care of by yourself. Neither do you need others permission nor do you need others involvement. The primary permission that you need is from yourself.
- Learn to ask for what you want to others:
If there are reasonable needs that need to be catered by others, learn to ask for what you want specifically and clearly. It is OK to have your own needs and it is OK to ask for them to be met. Also be prepared in case this particular need is not readily met by the other person
- Learn to delegate:
Somebody sent this particular picture and a wish – saying happy Women’s Day on a WhatsApp group. My response to this picture was – there is no glory in doing anything and everything by yourself. It is just a sure shot recipe for a burnout and a disaster. And we are catering to the unreasonable expectations and continue reaffirm these stereotypes. Learn to delegate. Be it your children or elders in the family or your partner, delegate responsibilities for them accordingly. Get them involved in all kinds of household as well as outside work appropriately. Let us not propagate these gender stereotypes to the next generation as well. And let this generation also learn to do things differently.
- Keep your health as priority:
Whether it is exercising, or attending a meditation class, allocating time and budget to get a regular health check up done, eating right etc, it is important that women give adequate importance to their own needs. Being healthy is not just about looks but over all being healthy – physically, mentally and emotionally.
- Continue to maintain strong bonds with your own family of origin:
You have gained a new family through marriage yes. That doesn’t mean you lose your family of origin, that is your parents, your siblings, your cousins etc. Having said that you don’t have to share each and everything that happens in your marital home to everybody. Have clear and healthy boundaries with both families, at the same time ensure your strong bonds remain strong.
- Your friends are important, even after your marriage:
I am sure you would have made friends all through your school, college, workplaces etc. And I am sure you would also make friends with more people even after your marriage. It doesn’t mean you have to lose touch with the friends that you already have, even if you have to move to a different location post your marriage. Today we are so well connected with people across the globe with multiple communication channels available. But it is an important change in mind set that is needed, to maintain your friendships that you develop either before or after your marriage. Make time for yourself, make time for your friendships.
About the Author:
Kala Balasubramanian is a certified Counselling Psychologist/Psychotherapist with a Masters in Counselling and Psychotherapy, Diplomas in Counselling and has further certifications specializing in couple/marriage/relationship counselling and family counselling. As a professional counsellor she provides a supportive, understanding, professional and confidential environment to work with clients – Individuals and Couples explore their emotions, help them understand and manage their challenges, relationships and stress better.