Understanding the value of emotions: Emotion Regulation Part 3
Understanding the value of emotions and leveraging our emotions in an appropriate way
In Part 1 of this series, I spoke about knowing your emotions.
In part 2, I spoke about understanding the emotional process and how it impacts your behavior.
In part 3 of this series I will talk about understanding the value of emotions and leveraging our emotions in an appropriate way to help us in an effective manner.
Many a times we find that we are either uncomfortable, scared or ashamed of our emotions, and we try everything possible to hide or suppress our emotions which can lead to significant stress as well as even lead to other psychosomatic problems, which are physical ailments, pain etc which have a psychological cause.
On the other side, the intensity of the emotion is so high that we are unable to control it or the more and more we suppress these emotions, they pile up and one day burst out like a volcano. In this scenario our behavior might be inappropriate and disproportionate to the situation. Here the emotions seem to take a life of their own and take up the reins and control us. Here we lose our control to our emotions that are intense and unmanageable creating a trail of hurt, pain and destruction to ourselves and others around us.
Understanding the purpose and value of emotions in life would help us find ways of effectively utilizing them.
Emotions that are neither uncontrolled nor suppressed, and are at appropriately regulated levels can be immensely valuable to us.
Emotions give us valuable information
When we experience a particular emotion, and when we are tuned into it, can give additional valuable information regarding a person or a situation etc. But yes, it is for us to validate this information that we get, with respect to the reality and accuracy of the same. What it means is that just because we feel emotion, doesn’t mean it is absolutely and accurately true, but it can be a indicator for us to give more attention to the situation and gauge it accordingly.
For example if you are in a market place, and if you feel vulnerable and anxious, you might want to assess the situation around you, pay more attention your surroundings and take some extra safety measures to protect yourself and your belongings.
Emotions help us communicate better
Anything that we communicate happens at 2 levels. The first one is about the content of what we try to express – which could be our thoughts, opinions, information etc. The second one is about expressing the emotions that we experience in the given context.
For example, your partner speaks to you in a rude manner, that you are hurt about it. This makes you so angry, you shout back at your partner rudely and both of you stop talking to each other. Here your needs, of your partner talking to you in a kind manner is not expressed and not addressed either. If you suppress the hurt, and not express it, again your needs are not met. You need to express your hurt with appropriate intensity, that it really reaches your partner, so that your needs are addressed.
Emotions propel us into action
Emotions provide us motivation and propel us to do things in such a way that we experience a positive emotions or to avoid unpleasant emotions.
For example, you might feel anxious when you have a project deadline at work. And you are aware that this is such an important and critical project, that you are able to stretch yourself and put in that additional effort to ensure you provide a quality deliverable, with in the requisite time lines. In this case your anxiety peaks your performance and enhances your productivity.
For example you watch a particular documentary, which showcases the sufferings caused by global warming, and if you are emotionally moved and touched by this, it could motivate you to do your bit in terms of, getting involved in activities like, using non-polluting essentials, not using plastic, garbage segregation etc.
Of course if you are way too stressed or too anxious, you are in distress and your productivity will fall. Hence, regulating the emotions to keep them at an optimum level is very important.
So when emotions are regulated they can be extremely valuable to us, in so many helpful ways. It is important to see emotions as our strengths and not as our weakness.
About the Author:
Kala Balasubramanian is certified Counselling Psychologist/Psychotherapist with a Masters in Counselling and Psychotherapy, Diplomas in Counselling and has further certifications specializing in couple/marriage/relationship counselling and family counselling. As a professional counsellor she provides a supportive, understanding, professional and confidential environment to work with clients – Individuals and Couples explore their emotions, help them understand and manage their challenges, relationships and stress better.