Will counselling really work for me ?
No this is not a trick question.
I have so many clients and potential clients ask me this question – will counselling work for me? How will it work if you will not give solutions? I am not able to solve my problem, that’s why I have come to you, so you need to tell me what I need to do. What is the potential success rate? How many clients have you been successful in changing?
And I usually tell them, a professional Counselor doesn’t claim to solve your problems, doesn’t offer any instant solutions, or instruct you specifically what you need to do to address your issue.
Lets think of the counselling process like a gymnasium. There are different devices, different machines, work out systems that are available there in the gym. That is also a gym instructor who tells you which machine can be used in what way to achieve what kind of result that you are looking for. The result that you are looking for could be weight loss, muscle building, fitness, endurance etc.
You can get to know the equipment the muscle groups to work upon with respect each equipment, diet that needs to be taken etc that are specific to your goals. But the effort that is needed to work out and actual workout will need to be done by you. Even when you are outside the gym what you do with respect to your health, be it food, other activities that you engage in etc, all determine whether you are able to accomplish your goals are not. The instructor can provide the technical know how, the approach, the methodologies, knowledge skills etc, but can’t make you lose weight or build muscles as you may prefer.
Similarly the counselling process helps you work on your thoughts, emotions, behavior, and build the corresponding muscles, or lose weight in the appropriate areas, by providing the right environment and acceptance. You and your counsellor work together as a team, where your counselor brings on to the table appropriate, tools, techniques, methodologies and understanding of the human psychology and behavior. Given this warm, non judging environment of acceptance, it enables the client to strive and try to accomplish their goals by using these approaches.
Counselling as a Process, helps you understand your situation better, from different perspectives, manage your emotions, understand your own self better – your strengths, your weaknesses, the resources that you need to deal with the situation, be it internal resources or external resources, to find ways of accessing these resources, so that you can take decisions in a informed manner with clarity, consider different options that are possible, and take relevant action as appropriate.
Unless the client wants to make the change to happen no Counselor or therapist can really make them change. So, NO, the therapist does not change the client. The therapist only acts as a facilitator for the process of change, and sometimes could be a catalyst, but the actual change needs to and will happen by the choice of the client, and that is the only way for it to really be a transformation, which will last.
About the Author:
Kala Balasubramanian is certified Counselling Psychologist/Psychotherapist with a Masters in Counselling and Psychotherapy, Diplomas in Counselling and has further certifications specializing in couple/marriage/relationship counselling and family counselling. She provides a supportive, understanding, professional and confidential environment to work with clients – Individuals and Couples explore their emotions, help them understand and manage their challenges, relationships and stress better.