Bored in your marriage/relationship? You can bring back the spark
Boredom in your relationship? Conversations are running dry? Conversations are getting recycled over and over again? Tired of going to the same places all the time?
Worry not. Boredom is something that every relationship undergoes at different points in time. When two people are together in a relationship or stay together in the same house it is possible that the initial excitement wears off over a period of time and things start settling into a routine. What is important is that the couple not to see as a catastrophe or start questioning whether they are with the right person or whether this would ever improve?
No, it is not a catastrophe. It is possible to bring back the spark in the relationship and fight back boredom. But it is also important for the couple to work upon this before distance starts creeping in between the two of them.
Feeling unappreciated, feeling hurt and disappointed, holding on to past events unable to move on, holding grudges, feeling insecure, any other issues of your own etc also can be barriers to intimacy and can manifest as boredom. If there are too many underlying issues which you are unable resolve, that are affecting your relationship, it would be a good idea to meet a professional relationship counsellor.
5 ways to bring back the spark in your relationship and defeat boredom:
1. Give a compliment
Give your partner a compliment every day. When your partner’s effort is not recognized and acknowledged they may start feeling unseen and might feel being taken for granted. Express your appreciation for small little things about your partner/spouse; an activity that your partner does; traits that your partner has; a success that your partner had recently etc. Complement them or thank them, appreciate them. Doing this might seem a bit artificial initially, but over a period of time this will become a natural habit.
2. Address the most frequent cribs and complaints
Think of the most and repeated cribs / complaints from your partner. This would typically be about what they would want, what they would like from you, but what they are not getting from you. If your partner cribs about not going out often, then plan for a trip or travel. If your partner cribs a lot about the house not being cleaned make an effort to make it so. If your partner cribs about not getting and gift on their birthday, get or make a gift that your partner would like. If your partner typically complains that you don’t initiate sex , surprise you partner by initiating.
3. Plan an Activity together
Do an activity together. Find out all the things that your partner is interested in and also find if there are any common interests that you have, that you both can pursue together. If not find a new activity that the both of you can do together, this could be a new class or learning a new dance or learning a new skill doing and new activity together. If you both are indoor persons you can maybe find show to watch together or buy some new board games which you can play together etc.
4. Rekindle your Romance
I am sure that the initial period of your relationship, you have shown the best side of yourself to each other and treated each other gently, kindly. Lovingly, caringly and respectfully. Remind yourself that you are the same person and go back and plan a few dates like the way it was, in the early part of your relationship. Talk about it, reminisce about it, feel proud to have created tender beautiful memories in the past as well as in the present.
5. Talk and Laugh together
Keep your devices away, out of reach, switch off your Television for some time. Make time to talk to each other. Yes deep conversations are great. But both of you need to make time for that. Share jokes, watch some funny videos, watch some laughter shows and laugh together. Talk and share about your day, your experiences, your childhood, your dreams and plans. Take interest in each other and be curious. If you have limited experiences to talk about, talk about what you read about, talk about your thoughts and ideas.
Boredom is a normal part of a relationship life cycle. If both of you put your minds to it, you can bring back the spark in your relationship. You don’t have to wait for your partner to make the effort. If you feel still stuck or you are unable to overcome the barriers in your relationship, you can meet a professional relationship counsellor / Couple therapist and try to work on these aspects.
About the Author:
Kala Balasubramanian is certified Counselling Psychologist/Psychotherapist with a Masters in Counselling and Psychotherapy, Diplomas in Counselling and has further certifications specializing in couple/marriage/relationship counselling and family counselling. She provides a supportive, understanding, professional and confidential environment to work with clients – Individuals and Couples explore their emotions, help them understand and manage their challenges, relationships and stress better.