Parenting a Teen? How to talk about difficult topics to your teen?
Inner Dawn Counsellor Kala Balasubramanian’s views featured on “The GoodHouseKeeping” Magazine
In today’s world, being parents is not an easy job. Especially being parents to teenagers. But it is important to understand that being an adolescent is also not easy. The kind of pressures that either of them go through is tremendous.
The first thing that parents need to keep in mind with respect to their relationship with their children especially teenagers is to have an open communication with them.
If communication breaks down between parents and the child, parents will end up knowing about the problem pretty late and it may have escalated by then or they will never know and never have the chance to help their child deal with the issue or cope with the issue.
Do not force your teen to tell you everything. It is never going to happen. Of course, you have been a teenager too. So some of the experiences that you had, may be common with your teenager. But some other experiences will be different. They are growing up in a different era, with different levels of exposure and understanding of the world.
Adolescents are not children, they are not adults either. It is a given that they will take decisions and make some mistakes. Let them learn from mistakes too. Don’t expect them to never commit mistakes or be too hard on them for making mistakes. Be their safety net as needed and let them know that you are there for them in any eventuality.
Adolescence is the age when hormones are raging in their body. Their body is also undergoing changes. There will be attraction towards the opposite sex. Infatuations and crushes will occur. No amount rules are going to help here. There will be heart breaks too. Understand that this is part of the growing up process. As parents you cannot protect them from falling. But you can be there and help them get back on their feet again.
It is possible that your child has a different viewpoint, beliefs from you. When your teenager shares something with you do not jump in and criticize, lecture or advice. First listen to them. Get an understanding of what they are expecting from you and respond accordingly.
Talking “Sex” is another major challenge for parents. A lot of parents avoid talking about sex to their adolescent child. They think it’s the school’s responsibility to give sex education. Others feel there is no need to talk about sex. Some parents feel that talking about sex will get the child start experimenting.
Curiosity regarding sex and experimentation is part of the growing up process. It is important that the parents are involved in making their ward aware of being safe. Though as a parent you may prefer your adolescent to abstain from sex, it’s better for them to be aware of safe sex too. They may interact with known or unknown persons online in an unsafe way and may lead to exploitation. Teach them about consent and the age of consent and the consequences too. You can’t monitor your child 24*7. And today internet can accessed from everywhere with a smart phone. They only way to keep your adolescent safe is to make them aware.
About the Author:
Kala Balasubramanian is certified Counselling Psychologist/Psychotherapist with a Masters in Counselling and Psychotherapy, Diplomas in Counselling and has further certifications specializing in couple/marriage/relationship counselling and family counselling. She provides a supportive, understanding, professional and confidential environment to work with clients – Individuals and Couples explore their emotions, help them understand and manage their challenges, relationships and stress better.