Consenting to a marriage. Why is it critical ?
Marriage is one of the oldest social institutions meant to provide safety and security and healthy environment for the couple and future generations. It also brings about stability in the social structure and relationships traditionally.
In the current context, marriage is also about companionship, emotional support, a friendship, confidante, adviser, and of course it is about love, concern, care and affection between each other.
How important is the concept of consent in a marriage?
It is a troubling reality that many people don’t consider CONSENT very seriously, even in today’s context. Whether it is arranged marriages, or a marriage by ones choice, whether it is through matrimonial portals or otherwise, it is a sad reality for many individuals who are feeling pressurized to get married by their parents, relatives, themselves or others.
Legally – the only consent that is relevant in a marriage is the consent of the two people who are getting married.
Let us understand consent in a little bit in detail. Consent means to give your agreement or permission to a plan or proposal. Consent needs to be given with a clear and full understanding of the outcomes, results and consequences. Consent to a marriage means you agree with your full mental faculty to enter into a relationship with another and you feel that you are ready to handle the outcome.
It is a common expectation among Indian parents that their son or daughter would get married to a partner whom the parents would choose. Parents believe that they know what is best for their children. The intent maybe in the right direction, but the content may or may not be.
Child marriage is prohibited by law. And in India, legally two individuals can get married only after they are of age 18 for a woman and 21 for a man. The reason why the age limit is defined is that, they are considered as adults and not children anymore.
Parents expect their wards to get married, take up responsibilities, have children and take care of their own families. But some parents want to treat them as children when it comes to the decision of the marriage or the marriage partner.
Parents, might want to help their ward to choose their partner, but it is important for parents remember that it is the couple who is going to get married and live together and be with each other, who will face life’s challenges and their future as a couple. By all means parents can help in this regard. But there needs to be a voluntary consent from the couple – that is not given through pressure, manipulation of coercion.
For the folks who are getting married, you need to own your relationship and give consent to the marriage, not to keep others happy, but to build a strong foundation for your future. The couple need to establish appropriate interactions, boundaries and rules for their couple relationship.
To read more about Ownership of marriage click here.
The couple needs to realize that they are getting married for their own future and happiness and not just to fulfill and satisfy their parent’s wishes. Your parents agreement and well wishes are of course important. But if you don’t consent to the marriage (for what ever reason) it is better stated and established clearly and you need to stand by your decision.
About the Author:
Kala Balasubramanian is certified Counselling Psychologist/Psychotherapist with a Masters in Counselling and Psychotherapy, Diplomas in Counselling and has further certifications specializing in couple/marriage/relationship counselling and family counselling. She provides a supportive, understanding, professional and confidential environment to work with clients – Individuals and Couples explore their emotions, help them understand and manage their challenges, relationships and stress better.