I want to show love but I don’t know how-Expression-Part II
How to express your love to your partner?
So you know that you love your partner. You know you want to be with them, you want to spend time with them, you like talking to them and love them in many ways. But sometimes you may also get irritated with them, frustrated with them, get angry and jealous and resentful as well.
If you want the nurture your relationship, if you want to nourish your relationship, then it is important for you to be able to express your love to your partner. Do not assume that they know or they would know or they should know by default etc.
There are some relationship basics, which need to be adhered to if you really want to love your partner and want to make the relationship last. Some of the fundamentals which need to be taken care of, when you strive to have a fulfilling relationship would be
1. Trust :
No relationship can sustain without the trust factor. Trust means that you behave in every possible way with your partner that enables their trust on you. This would mean that if you say something you need to be able to stick to that and take appropriate action, at the same time if you have changed your mind about the same, be able to stand up to that and communicate the same as well. Being trustworthy means not resorting to lying and hiding with your partner no matter whether it is a small issue or a big issue. Being trustworthy also means understanding the boundaries of the relationship understanding what makes your partner uncomfortable and not doing that either.
2. Respect:
You can’t love your partner without respecting them. Respect here means not just what you say but also how you say things and how you behave with your partner. Respect means it’s not just you respect them but you also try to do whatever is possible for you to ensure the people around you also respect them. Respect doesn’t depend upon their financial status educational status on Knowledge level extra. Respect also means that you give adequate respect to the other people who are important to them, be it their family of origin, friends etc. You respect them for being the person that they are. When you stop respecting your partner the love also starts reducing in its value.
3. Communication:
You need to be able to say what you want to say respectfully to your partner and be able to listen to what your partner is saying actively. Being able to have active and purposeful conversations is a key part to ensure healthy communication between partners. Communicating your expectations and needs in a non demanding way, is a very healthy way of ensuring you understand each other. Even if a request need to be denied, it can be done in a respectful and polite manner.
4. Commitment:
Commitment levels can vary between partners depending upon what stage of life they are and what is the level of commitment they are willing to bring into the relationship. Both of you need to be on the same page in this regard.
These four aspects need to be in place if you really love someone above and beyond these here are some of the ways how you can express your love to your partner. I draw heavily from Gary Chapman’s – The five love languages here.
- Appreciate your partner, For who they are – their traits – characteristics – looks, what they do and what they do for you as well.
- Encourage your partner in whatever endeavors that they are engaged in encourage them and motivate them.
- Listen to your partner. Listen to what they are telling, what they are not telling. Listen to their emotions. Show concern if they are wistful or sad or upset. You don’t have to solve the problem if any, that you are not contributing to.
- Spend quality time with your partner. Engage in interesting and active conversations with your partner that interests the both of you.
- Find some activities that you can do together. It could be travel or a hobby which both of you can engage in together.
- Doing things for your partner which they would appreciate. Take up an activity or chore which will help make their day better.
- You can give them gifts if they like receiving gifts, and not necessarily the gifts need to be expensive or exotic. An element of surprise would make it even more interesting.
- You could also give them your time and attention, which is akin to the quality time that I mentioned before.
- If your partner is a physical person, and likes to be touched, then a gentle loving touch can also show your love to your partner. Touch can be both non-sexual as sexual in nature, but make sure it is in the appropriate way that your partner would like or appreciate.
- Be consistent. If you have not been doing these for a while, then when you try doing some of these things you might get a skeptical look from your partner. But when you are able to put effort consistently then it may be received in appropriate manner.
As Gary Chapman says – the trick is to know what your partner would like and put effort in that particular manner primarily, and do the other things as well, to express, show your love and affection to your partner.
About the Author:
Kala Balasubramanian is certified Counselling Psychologist/Psychotherapist with a Masters in Counselling and Psychotherapy, Diplomas in Counselling and has further certifications specializing in couple/marriage/relationship counselling and family counselling. She provides a supportive, understanding, professional and confidential environment to work with clients – Individuals and Couples explore their emotions, help them understand and manage their challenges, relationships and stress better.