Love at first sight-Soul mates in few weeks?Is it Love or Love Bombing?
Love at first sight? Soul mates in a few weeks? Is this Love or Love Bombing?
In general all new romantic relationships are intense, exciting, captivating, makes you crave for each other more, wanting to spend a lot of time together etc. It makes your brain chemicals go on a over drive making you feel happy and enthusiastic and may be even euphoric.
If all this happens in the first few days or weeks of meeting each other, if the other person convinces you that you are soul mates within a few weeks, if you are flooded with attention, affection, care, concern, gifts, talks about the future etc, and you don’t have the time to process what is happening and you are already in love, it is possible that you have been love bombed.
Your needs and preferences are taken into account, but there is a quick profession of love and intimacy. Excessive display of affection publicly, everything convincing you that this is love and this will last and you feel that you are so overwhelmed with love.
The love bomber will praise you, flatter you, tell you that you are adorable, very beautiful, talented, and that you are the only one for them, in a very short span of time. They will boost your self esteem by telling how great you are and how grateful they are to have found you.
You are convinced about the other person’s intentions in a short period of a few weeks and you reciprocate in earnest. You start dreaming of a future life and make plans in your mind. Once the love bomber is convinced that you are into the relationship, then slowly the reality starts showing. If you are interested in doing something else, or behave in a way that they don’t like, they start devaluing you. This could be by withdrawing affection and attention which you are so used to by now, that it hurts real bad and you end up doing or behaving the way they want you to. The manipulation pattern has been established and gets reinforced repeatedly.
If you express any negative emotion or disapproval or disagreement with them, it is not acceptable for them. They may resort to threats of breaking up, or dramatic displays of anger, and temper tantrums etc. They would make you feel guilty for expressing any negative emotions or disagreements. There is no way of addressing a conflict in a healthy manner. You feel scared of expressing your self and start walking on eggshells every moment to avoid getting them angry with you. You start avoiding conflicts entirely.
If you have a problem with them it will not get acknowledged. They may highlight their own problem and that it is greater than yours or find a fault in you that is allegedly greater. They will get defensive initially and aggressive later, putting you on the defensive and make you feel guilty and believe that you were selfish to bring it up in the first place.
If you become aware of the pattern and try to break away, they will go back to the initial stage of being extremely loving and affectionate, that your hopes are kept alive, and the cycle continues, till they are ready to discard you.
If you think that you have been love bombed or you feel stuck in your relationship that is not going anywhere, you can meet a professional therapist who can work with you to help you address the challenges that you face in your situation or help you take an informed decision about your relationship that is healthy for yourself.
About the Author:
Kala Balasubramanian is certified Counselling Psychologist/Psychotherapist with a Masters in Counselling and Psychotherapy, Diplomas in Counselling and has further certifications specializing in couple/marriage/realationship counselling and family counselling. She provides a supportive, understanding, professional and confidential environment to work with clients – Individuals and Couples explore their emotions, help them understand and manage their challenges, relationships and stress better.