Ownership of the Marriage

What does owning the marriage mean? Why should the couple own the marriage? Do the couple own the marriage even if it is an arranged marriage (like in the Indian context)?

Many a times couples do not understand the difference between a marriage and a wedding.

Marriage happens between two people – coming together and committing to love and live together for a long period of time.  A wedding is a celebration of the event of the marriage – and the participants could be the families, friends, relatives etc.

The wedding is a 1/2/3/10 day event.  Marriage is a lifelong event and happens till the couple are together, every day of the couple’s life.

This understanding is very essential for the couple to be able to own the marriage.  Both the partners in the marital relationship need to own the marriage for a fulfilling harmonious relationship.

Marriage is a loving, caring, nurturing, responsible relationship with a partner / spouse. Yes for a marital relationship to work, ownership of the marriage by the couple is absolutely essential.

In the Indian arranged marriage, many a times (not all) the girl or the boy gets pressurized to say “yes” to the alliance, for varied reasons like- increasing age, financial reasons, sibling’s marriage, relative’s pressures, family prestige, parents finding out about a love affair, many alliances didn’t work out and this one did, etc (the list is by no means exhaustive).

When there is no ownership, the couple may blame their parents when things don’t work out or when their expectations are not met by each other. But it is important to remember that, it is the couple who would primarily suffer and the blaming doesn’t help.

This could be a problem in love marriages as well, though the couple may not be able to blame the parents.

To own the marriage means

1. Taking responsibility for the decision of the marriage – yes even if your bride or groom was chosen by your parents. It is you who signs the marriage document or it is you who is the primary participant in the marriage along with your partner

2. Understanding the responsibilities that you are undertaking, when you enter into a marriage

3. Understanding the expectations that you have from the marriage and your spouse and keeping them at reasonable levels

4. Whatever problems arise between the two of you, though your families may provide support or help, it is the two of you who would need to resolve the issues.

5. Any event in the marriage – good/bad,  it is the couple who get impacted primarily

When ownership of the marriage is lacking, any issues or conflicts that come up in the marriage (which will), the couple find it very difficult to face the problems and deal with them as a couple effectively.

In Pre-marital counselling, this key component of ownership of the marriage is emphasized.  Couples who are planning to get married (love / arranged), as well as married couples can benefit from this understanding.

To know more, or to fix an appointment, call us at +919632146316 or write to us at counselor@innerdawn.in

We provide counselling services at different locations in Bangalore – Jayanagar, Koramangala, Marathahalli, Mahadevpura.