Emotional Intimacy in a Relationship

Emotional intimacy is a feeling of mutual attachment, closeness, connectedness that you share with your spouse or your partner. This is distinct from physical intimacy that relates to physical attraction and sex.

Emotional intimacy creates the feeling of fulfillment, closeness and a sense of belonging in the relationship. It brings the two people closer at a different plane other than the physical one. It makes both partners feel connected. Makes them feel comfortable with each other at an emotional level.

Trust and communication are essential for emotional intimacy between the two partners. It is a mutual sharing, understanding and disclosure with each other at a deep level. When trust is established it is easy to give oneself permission to be vulnerable with the spouse. Better the quality of emotional intimacy and bonding, more enduring is the relationship and less likely that distance would creep in making it boring and dull, giving opportunities for cracks to appear in the relationship.

You can develop emotional intimacy at any stage of your relationship. Start with allocating quality time with each other every day/week depending on your convenience. Quality time necessitates that there are no distractions for the duration – children or TV or mobile phones. Go for a walk, plan for a coffee in your balcony, plan it as per your preferences. Just ensure your complete attention is with your spouse and that you are not interrupted. Be with your spouse physically, mentally and emotionally. Listen to your spouse, make them feel important and listened to.

Listen not just to the words spoken but also the feelings and emotions there in. Do not jump to criticism and judgment. By criticizing you discourage your spouse from sharing. Trust your spouse and share your emotions too.

As Dr. Vijay Nagaswamy puts it succinctly in his book The 24*7 marriage, to create and enhance emotional intimacy
• Share and express your emotions
• Indicate your emotional needs and requirements clearly
• Understand the other’s emotional needs, respond accordingly and be available
• Intimacy is about talking and listening to each other
• Providing quality time for each other

Emotional intimacy is essential to make a relationship fulfilling and complete. It is every day work on the relationship, like tending your garden. Without regular nurturing and care, the plants in garden may wither and weeds may take over.

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